So, yesterday, I had an experience that nothing in the world – not even the most gruesome horror movie – could have prepared me for. I found the decomposing body of an old friend of mine, he had been dead for a couple of weeks. Although only 58 he looked like he was 88 as he was in very bad health. He was a total recluse and rarely came out of his house. People were dropping off food for him but, as it turns out, no one actually was checking on him. I will never forget the sights and smells I experienced yesterday but am glad that at least he has been released from the many ailments and psychological nightmares that haunted him. God speed, Ben.

Though there are some who have quickly pointed out that checking on those who are ill and alone would’ve helped Ben stubbornly and adamantly refused help. He likely died suddenly from a heart attack so daily checks would not have prevented his death but it would have had allowed us at least to discover his body sooner. The big “take away” here is actually something no one has mentioned. And that is that homophobia kills. Ben was gay and in his childhood was terrorized by a homophobic mother and step-father. He internalized this homophobia and never felt worthy of living. It was slow-motion, multi-decade suicide by intentional self-neglect that we all were powerless to stop. Homophobia is that powerful and insidious.